To be Continued...

...Because I have no choice.  Oh, I've tried the alternative, and I keep trying it every now and then, but she won't have anything to do with it.

I'm talking about feeding, breastfeeding to be more specific.  You know the definition of insanity?  To do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  Well, I guess I'm not truly insane, because at least I'm no longer expecting different results.  Even the professionals say it's just her, nothing will help.  I can tell you that's not what you want to hear when you are on the brink of tears whenever feeding time comes around.  To be truthful, I'm on the brink of tears even between feedings, but it all started there.  I just haven't been able to stabilize that and it's spilling over to the rest of my days.

It sounds pathetic, I know, to be so depressed over something that happens only 6-8 times a day.  I mean, can't I just endure it and get over it?  But then it happens, again, and I remember all the other times, and they just build on each other, so every day is compounded.  It is exhausting to fight with your infant day in and day out over every feeding.

So why do I not switch to formula?  There is that million-dollar question.  I have tried formula, several times, at least to give myself a break once a day.  But the girl is finicky, she knows what the good stuff is, and she won't take anything less.  Today I tried a new formula, one that comes all ready to serve.  It was the best attempt so far, she drank a whole two ounces.  Of course, half of it dribbled down her chin, but it was still our biggest success with formula.  And then she wouldn't touch the next two-ounce bottle.

And then there is this pesky little feeling of guilt every time I try to give her formula.  What is that all about?  As if I'm short-changing my daughter by giving her iron-fortified formula that has much of the same nutrients breast milk has.  No matter how many times I'm told it is okay, and she'll be fine on formula, I still get that twinge of guilt whenever I try it, or even when I fantasize about switching over completely.

The other alternative would be to pump exclusively and give her breast milk from a bottle.  This is something she has no problem with, and it is so easy to feed her this way.  Unfortunately, it is not as easy to keep up with the demand, and for this reason I have not entertained the idea for long.

So, in the end, it seems that there is no doubt that this saga is to be continued...